The Tea Party Pace Car

Really. The Tea Party has a pace car just like Nascar, Indy Car and all the other racing bodies. What do you mean why does the Tea Party have a pace car.  It should be obvious. To somebody. I expect this was done with money donated for conservative political causes.

Ain't nothin' conservative about this (it's a Dodge Viper):

Quote from a Tea Partier: "One of the fastest production cars in the world, this Viper leads the field in the race to restore the Essential Liberty enshrined in our Declaration of Independence and Constitution."  Yeah, okay, somebody is likely to believe you BS. You guys just wanna cruise for women like everyone else.


What's The Tequila Party have?  Well, we've got this:

Yes, and there's a car behind them, too.

The Tea Party and the Constitution

"All hail the Founding Fathers and their (selective) wisdom!"    Okay, I added "selective."

The Tea Party thinks the Constitution had lost it's way, but now they are here with the truth.  Yes, it sounds like a group of religious fanatics who have reinterpreted the Bible for us cuz no one else really understands it except them. It's easy enough to transfer the "Bible expert" B.S. to "Constitution expert" B.S.

The Tea Partiers like some parts of the Constitution
Taking away power from the Federal gov't and giving it to the states.  And it's easy to see why some think power has gone too far towards Washington.  But why is the individual freer if the state has the power rather than the feds?

The Tea Partiers like some amendments
2nd Guns! You see more concern over gun rights than freedom of speech--not sure why.
5th Can't testify against yourself.
10th States rights; usually B.S. to give them the right to discriminate. Think Civil Rights, immigration, or gay rights.

They don't talk much about some others
1st Separation of church and state
14th Citizenship and equal protection
16th Taxes

Okay, so every group has their favorites. Is that like having a favorite Commandment? You know, like a certain Republican candidate not being too big on the not committing adultery one.

The Tequila Party favorites? Well, obviously the 21st, the repeal of Prohibition.  What else? Well, we like the 4th prohibiting unreasonable searches as we hate nothing more than having our tequila seized just because the party got a little out-of-hand. Also, one that doesn't get too much attention, but the 8th prohibits excessive fines. Have you noticed how some local jurisdictions have jacked up the cost of going, say 5 MPH, over the speed limit? Hey, I'm sorry you're broke, but so are we. Leave our damned tequila money alone!

The Tea Party during the Republican primaries

Anyone else notice that the Tea Party has been strangely quiet, too quiet, during the Republican run for the presidential nomination? Are the front-runners too mainstream?  After Bachmann, Perry, Cain, and Santorum flamed out don't they care? The Tea Party never seemed to like Pawlenty even though he was conservative enough, but probably not angry enough.

Seems like they're stuck with Gingrich as he's good at hating poor people and Democrats even though he's a Washington insider and has made a career or taking money from taxpayers and influence peddlers.

Romney? Is he too rich or is it because he's from Massachusetts? We're guessing it's the latter.

At this point the Tea Party is probably just hoping to get the VP candidate.  Palin?

But wouldn't this be a pretty couple?

"Look, up in the sky. It's a bird, it's a plane!
No, it's my popularity floating away."

Super PACS

All we can say is ...

Headline we wished we'd written

From Gloucester, MA. (How do you pronounce that? glou-chester? glow-kester? glaw-ster? Jeezuz).

The Gloucester Times headline reads, "Tea Party's Beaver is Back!"

Good to know. The Story.

OK, which rich white guy should be the Republican candidate?

Now that the token female and token black candidate have self-destructed we're finally back to the usual set of Republican candidates: white guys worth millions who've never actually sweated to earn a buck (or thousands of bucks).

No wonder they don't look out for the average working Joe (or Juan) because they have nothing in common with them.

Romney - Smells of money. It takes lots of money to look that clean-cut and he has tons of it.

Gingrich - Sucks in money from every lobbyist he can get his slimy hands on. The morals of the scumbag he is.

Santorum - Religious fruitcake

Perry - Nice guy to hang with, but not someone you'd want in charge of anything--especially a country with nuclear weapons.

Huntsman - Even being filthy rich can get him votes.

Paul - Too radical for the left or right. He actually does want less gov't and more personal freedom--something the right wingers are afraid of. I mean, you can't give that kind of freedom of choice to gays, immigrants, Muslims, pregnant women, etc.

Okay, not that the Democratic candidate is any better.

Maybe we should line 'em all up with shots of tequila in front of them. Last (rich) man standing gets to be president.  I mean it's not any worse than the current method of secret slush funds (super PACs) electing the president.

Or maybe look for someone else to run in November. I mean is this the best the Republicans can do?

Rick Santorum. Whoa!

Santorum is one of those Candidates of the Month for the Republican primaries. Where do they find these people?

Here's a few wild quotes from ol' Ricky:

On contraception

"Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

According to how things are supposed to be according to whom? So no condoms, birth control pills, etc. Ricky = out of touch.

Here's he's showing where he got his lobotomy

Palestine / Israel issues

"All the people who live in the West Bank are Israelis, they're not Palestinians. There is no 'Palestinian.' This is Israeli land."

Well, that's pretty clear. Of course, it depends on exactly what moment in history you want to look to see if there is a Palestine or an Israel.

On Romney

"Would the potential attraction to Mormonism by simply having a Mormon in the White House threaten traditional Christianity by leading more Americans to a church that some Christians believe misleadingly calls itself Christian, is an active missionary church, and a dangerous cult?

You could make that argument about most religions. But keep hittin' us with the fear factor--it's your best bet when you don't have logic on your side.

Lazy Black People

"I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money."

Sounds fine on the surface except that he believes it's only the Blacks living off others money.

More racism, this time with abortion

"The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're going to decide who are people and who are not people.'"

Only white guys can decide?

Explaining Democrats

"The political base of the Democratic Party is single mothers running households that “look to the government for help."

I knew it! It's probably just the black single moms.


The Tequila Party urges you to get out and vote because, damn, it sure is good for a laugh!  And, as always, drink responsibly. You're going to need it over the next few months.

The National Defense Authorization Act

Something with "National Defense" in the title is as hard to argue with as the "Patriot Act" except for both being unconstitutional.

Perhaps Obama should be the new Tea Party candidate. He's sure looking like one.

One part of this new bill signed by Obama allows for the military to detain indefinitely American citizens without trial if they think they might be aligned with terrorists.  Of course, this is essentially legalizing what's been going on for the last ten years. It allows the government to do whatever the hell it wants with your liberty--most Americans greatest fear.

Backstabber

Then to check on how stupid he thinks we are Obama said, well, it's nothing he'd ever do, but you never know about other administrations (so don't elect any Republicans).

If the law itself isn't offensive enough his rationalization for signing it is.

Oh yeah, another part of the law not getting much publicity yet is allowing the military to carry out operations on U.S. soil presumably against U.S. citizens it labels as terrorists.  Could be right-wing paramilitary groups in Idaho, could be Wall Street protester in NY.

What have we done?  The Tequila Party needs a drink!

Republican Candidate of the Month

Welcome to the Republican primary and the COTM.  Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Gingrich, and even Ron Paul!  Some dropped out because they were discovered to be crazy, some because they can't keep their you-know-what in their pants. Anything to avoid Romney apparently. He's from one of them liberal states and he gave the people what they wanted--health insurance. OMG.  Stick to principles not the will of the people.  (Just ask Congress).

Once the primaries actually kick-off the real candidates will float to the top. The question is besides Romney, who?

The scary / funny part is you just know Palin can't wait to jump in--she needs the attention. No, she craves the attention. It has noting to do with serving the people as she showed by quitting as governor. Does she really think she has a chance or is her goal to be Romney's vice president? She'd be a good VP in that we have a history of VP's saying dumb things (Biden) or just being dumb (Quayle).

I mean, we apparently can't get too much of the Kardashians so maybe we won't ever get tired of Sarah. She can keep showing up every once in awhile "when duty calls."

The Tequila Party plans on sitting back in front of the fire this winter with a glass of Patrón and watch the self-destruction continue.

Merry Christmas

From the Tequila Party.

May Santa give you everything you want ...

Tea Party-supported candidate merry-go-round

In the upcoming election it appears the Tea Party will back anybody as long as it's not Mitt Romney.  I mean, Newt Gingrich?  Seriously?  Are these the same people that are against big government, cronyism and for family values?  Which part of Newt's background did you miss?

Though it seems if the Tea Party was really for smaller gov't and not just a big gov't that aligns with their beliefs then they'd be all in behind Ron Paul.

Who does the Tequila Party support? Anybody that will get us back to work!

Unfortunately, nobody like that is running.

Tea Party holiday gift ideas

For your favorite true American/bigot/patriot/red neck (you choose).


Book: Ann Coulter's "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism." Includes the "truth" about the  McCarthy era.
If you look up "crazy bigot" you should find her picture.

The Hillary Clinton nut cracker
Now that's funny right there.

The Waterboard Game
The kids will never lie to you again.

A bumper sticker for their Suburban

And the best gift of all...

And for The Tequila Party person in your life?