You are a member of the Tea Party if

Stereotyping is fun!

You are a member of the Tea Party if you ...

• Collect social security while complaining that government handouts should be stopped.
• Want tax breaks for yourself and anyone wealthier than you. But not poorer.
• Believe liberty means guns, but not the right to control your own body.

• Believe freedom is for you, but not for gays and immigrants.
• Believe poor people could be eliminated by letting the rich keep more of their minimum wage.
• Believe in Constitutional Law the way the founders' wrote it (for land-owning white males).
• Believe in Creationism because you don't understand science and aren't about to take scientists' word on faith!
• Plan on moving to Canada if Obama is elected again (where you need a license to own a gun and they have socialized medicine).

And you are a member of The Tequila Party if you ...
 

• Have ever started an evening with several shots of tequila then woke up on the street the next morning with your pants missing.

Tea Party needs to clean up

Big Government Spending

Tea Partiers, being mostly rural folks it seems, want to keep federal subsidies for small airlines operating in small towns. Republicans wanted to kill this (maybe they are rich enough to afford their own planes).

Similar interesting issues exist with agriculture subsidies.

Racism

The Tea Party will tell you all day long they aren't racists, but in an organization full of people on the right of the spectrum they are going to show up. The latest was at a public rally in Arkansas where one of their yahoo leaders told a racists joke about the lazy black people.

Don't look so anti-people

Don't spend energy trying to protect the rich from taxes while seemingly not caring about clean air, clean water, or allowing women to make their own choices.

Drop the "patriot"

Because the Tea Party believes in the old time staunch Republican conservative line makes them no more American than anyone else. Conservative does not equal patriotic. That's something the Republicans made up a few years ago and doesn't fool anyone.

Other traps to avoid

Evolution and climate change aren't politics; they are science. If you want to refute scientific data with your own data that's fine.


Tequila Party clean up

We always clean up after all of our parties!

Tea Party 2.0

V1.0 was all about hitting the streets in front of the Fox News cameras and it worked well in the 2010 election. Besides, we love these kind of protesters:

The TP has quieted down. They claim they're working in the background to take over the Senate and work on legislation. What? Can't we leave the legislation to the professional lobbyists? Or is Tea Party 2.0 about sleazy behind-the-scenes lobbying just like every other influence-peddling group in D.C? Sounds too much like maturity and reality set in. That's boring.

We should counteract this with Tequila Party 2.0. It will now require two shots of tequila before entering the hallowed halls of Congress trying to buy votes. And we'll be dropping off two bottles of tequila at the front desk of all the swing voters on Capitol Hill. (Did it ever occur to anyone that the "swing voters" are the smart ones because these are the ones that can be bought).

The Tea Party won't give up!

Currently the teapartypatriots.org is at least sensible in its current lead article "calling on all conservative women" because they've pretty well shot themselves in the ass as far as getting women's votes. Apparently they forgot they're half the country.

Then there's the old standby teaparty.org declaring "America's fraud president." They "know" the liberal media is hiding the real birth certificate and other documents to prove Obama wasn't born in the U.S.

So they apparently have a plan to call one million households to tell the truth. All they want is your money to pay for it. I expect as the election nears you will hear more of this kind of crap. It's a way to foster doubt in people's minds.

Not sure this will work guys (old white guys to be exact). You might want to hope the economy tanks again in a double-dip. It's probably your dream.  Please go back to large rallies with lots of signs about fascism and taxes.  Those were the good old days!

Santorum out; the moderate in

Romney, that Massachusetts liberal, is the candidate for president now.  The Tea Party has been quiet through most of the campaign.  How will they react with two "socialists" running against each other? Just waiting to hear.

We know, it's tough for the Tea Partiers, ideology vs. pragmatism. It's not like Santorum had a chance in hell of winning in November. At least someone remembers Johnson vs. Goldwater and Nixon vs. McGovern.

Will the Tea Party turn back towards Congress and try to win the Senate? Let's hope so. We miss their wacky statements!

And remember ...

Tea Party Leaders Say, "Vote Democratic"

Tea Party leaders are so fed up with the choices in the Republican primary they recommend their loyal followers to, "Vote for that black guy that stole the White House last time. At least we can beat him down in Congress."

The Tea Party is apparently afraid Romney may be more liberal than Obama. With Romney being from Massachusetts where everybody knows they want more taxes, government-mandated health care, and no guns.


Yes, this was posted on April 1st. Why?   :)

Where did the Tea Party go?

The Tequila Party's ol' friends the Tea Party has been quiet, maybe too quiet. Are they out of fashion already?

After being The Big News during the mid-term elections a couple years ago we haven't heard much during this presidential race. Maybe only the Big Money talks now. Maybe they don't have a favorite candidate. Maybe they're already disillusioned with Washington politics. Maybe the news media has moved on.

The Tea Party leaders say they are still at it just in the background working on upcoming political races. They say their movement is working so they don't need to be so noisy any more.

We say we miss these guys:

Rick Santorum Quotes

Ol' Ricky at his best. Makes you wonder why people vote for him. Guess they must really hate Mitt!


“As in any other state, you have to comply with this and any federal law — and that is that English has to be the main language."
In Puerto Rico on the issue of statehood. Except there is no English language requirement. You remember Rick, the English Requirement folks just use that as a reason to stop those brown-skinned foreigners.

"One of my opponents [Romney] recently said that it would take an act of God for me to win this primary. I agree with him."
He said this in a Puerto Rican church.

"We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices. The bubble burst in housing because people couldn't pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline."
THAT explains it!

"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"
Interesting transition. Might as well say, "The ultimate form of contraception, being gay!"

"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

Another nice transition Ricky.

"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country."

Just ask Limbaugh how this worked out for him.

"Satan has his sights on the United States of America." 

As do you Rick. Should we be concerned?

“In the Netherlands, people wear different bracelets if they are elderly. And the bracelet is: ‘Do not euthanize me.’ Because they have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands but half of the people who are euthanized — ten percent of all deaths in the Netherlands — half of those people are euthanized involuntarily at hospitals because they are older and sick."
Yep, lying always works if you don't have facts on your side.

"The reason Social Security is in big trouble is we don't have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion.”
Saving the best for last!

Is this who we want for president!?

Tea Party vs. Occupy Wall Street

Hey, guess what? They right-wing nut jobs are talking with the leftist/homeless/jobless gang! They should probably hate each other, but wouldn't it be interesting if they look for common ground and hit Washington together (once the weather warms up, of course)?

Both sides seem to hate the TARP bailouts of the banks though we don't know if either has ever offered a better solution.

Neither likes the Patriot Act's invasion on the rights of citizens. We're not sure who likes this and it just shows why Washington is out of touch.

Of course, the Tea Party wants the rich to keep all their money so they can trickle it down while the Occupy gang would like to tax the sh#t out of them.

Perhaps they could form a common group--something like GTHOMLYGSB--Get the Hell Out of My Life You Government Scumbags! Maybe just FWDC is easier (WDC means Washington DC. You can figure out the F).

Or we could all move to northern Idaho and buy a bunch of guns -- or maybe just relax with a couple margaritas (that would be less scary).

Not sure which side this guy is on

Candidate quotes

Campaign time is a great time for a laugh. Here's a few remarks from those who want to be the leader of the free world. No, don't be scared, just drink more tequila!


Mitt Romney aka Mr. Plastic

"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot."

"My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car.

"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." —Mitt Romney, speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.

"I get speaker's fees from time to time, but not very much." —Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year according to according to his personal financial disclosure.

"I love this state. The trees are the right height." —Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan.


The always lovable Rick Santorum

"Satan has his sights on the United States of America. This is a spiritual war." -- in 2008.

I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who's homosexual. If that's their orientation, then I accept that. And I have no problem with someone who has other orientations.

"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."


Just to keep things "fair and balanced" here's a couple from that party guy Joe Biden

"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." Or maybe it was the radio.

"Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." –- to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair.


Don't know about you all, but when we hear stuff like this coming from our leaders... well, we need a shot of tequila. Okay, not really "a" shot, maybe more.

The Tea Party Pace Car

Really. The Tea Party has a pace car just like Nascar, Indy Car and all the other racing bodies. What do you mean why does the Tea Party have a pace car.  It should be obvious. To somebody. I expect this was done with money donated for conservative political causes.

Ain't nothin' conservative about this (it's a Dodge Viper):

Quote from a Tea Partier: "One of the fastest production cars in the world, this Viper leads the field in the race to restore the Essential Liberty enshrined in our Declaration of Independence and Constitution."  Yeah, okay, somebody is likely to believe you BS. You guys just wanna cruise for women like everyone else.


What's The Tequila Party have?  Well, we've got this:

Yes, and there's a car behind them, too.

The Tea Party and the Constitution

"All hail the Founding Fathers and their (selective) wisdom!"    Okay, I added "selective."

The Tea Party thinks the Constitution had lost it's way, but now they are here with the truth.  Yes, it sounds like a group of religious fanatics who have reinterpreted the Bible for us cuz no one else really understands it except them. It's easy enough to transfer the "Bible expert" B.S. to "Constitution expert" B.S.

The Tea Partiers like some parts of the Constitution
Taking away power from the Federal gov't and giving it to the states.  And it's easy to see why some think power has gone too far towards Washington.  But why is the individual freer if the state has the power rather than the feds?

The Tea Partiers like some amendments
2nd Guns! You see more concern over gun rights than freedom of speech--not sure why.
5th Can't testify against yourself.
10th States rights; usually B.S. to give them the right to discriminate. Think Civil Rights, immigration, or gay rights.

They don't talk much about some others
1st Separation of church and state
14th Citizenship and equal protection
16th Taxes

Okay, so every group has their favorites. Is that like having a favorite Commandment? You know, like a certain Republican candidate not being too big on the not committing adultery one.

The Tequila Party favorites? Well, obviously the 21st, the repeal of Prohibition.  What else? Well, we like the 4th prohibiting unreasonable searches as we hate nothing more than having our tequila seized just because the party got a little out-of-hand. Also, one that doesn't get too much attention, but the 8th prohibits excessive fines. Have you noticed how some local jurisdictions have jacked up the cost of going, say 5 MPH, over the speed limit? Hey, I'm sorry you're broke, but so are we. Leave our damned tequila money alone!