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| Romney to Ryan: "We should take a hunting trip to Canada." |
They should get out more often.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Ticket blanco
Is this the whitest couple of guys you've ever seen? Does it look like they should be on a private golf course then have a martini? It's the 1950s all over again!
Apparently the Republicans believe America is still just like Mitt and Paul.
They should get out more often.
They should get out more often.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Improving the Olympics with Tequila
How would the Tequila Party improve the Olympic games? And maybe even get people to care about something their country doesn't win? Some ideas:
Most Tequila Shots - Obviously this game has been played since your college days and to be an Olympian Tequila Shooter doesn't mean standing in a room full of other screaming drunks while you see who passes out last. This is done in the Olympics with the uneven parallel bars. All shots are consumed while in the position below. Think that ain't difficult?
Tequila Shooter - Skeet shooting is fun and all and the clay doesn't really get hurt. What if you drink a shot of tequila then throw the glass in the air and have to hit it? A shot glass too small? Fine, you can use a damn pint glass if you wish, but you still have to drink the all the tequila it holds. How many shots can you go before you miss? Or don't care if you miss? Or don't even notice you've missed?
Synchronized Tequila Shots - Yes, it's swimming with shots of tequila and everyone has to drink it at the same time. But it's more difficult than that because this is the Olympics. Everyone is swimming in a circle and you must lick the salt off the person's arm next to you--all done in complete synchronization.
Just watching on TV? You can participate, too! Anytime you hear how much a participant has sacrificed in their life just to be a pampered athlete without a real job you get a shot of tequila!
Most Tequila Shots - Obviously this game has been played since your college days and to be an Olympian Tequila Shooter doesn't mean standing in a room full of other screaming drunks while you see who passes out last. This is done in the Olympics with the uneven parallel bars. All shots are consumed while in the position below. Think that ain't difficult?
Tequila Shooter - Skeet shooting is fun and all and the clay doesn't really get hurt. What if you drink a shot of tequila then throw the glass in the air and have to hit it? A shot glass too small? Fine, you can use a damn pint glass if you wish, but you still have to drink the all the tequila it holds. How many shots can you go before you miss? Or don't care if you miss? Or don't even notice you've missed?
Synchronized Tequila Shots - Yes, it's swimming with shots of tequila and everyone has to drink it at the same time. But it's more difficult than that because this is the Olympics. Everyone is swimming in a circle and you must lick the salt off the person's arm next to you--all done in complete synchronization.
Just watching on TV? You can participate, too! Anytime you hear how much a participant has sacrificed in their life just to be a pampered athlete without a real job you get a shot of tequila!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
You are a member of the Tea Party if
Stereotyping is fun!
You are a member of the Tea Party if you ...
- Collect social security while complaining that government handouts should be stopped.
- Want tax breaks for yourself and anyone wealthier than you. But not poorer.
- Believe liberty means guns, but not the right to control your own body.
- Believe freedom is for you, but not for gays and immigrants.
- Believe poor people could be eliminated by letting the rich keep more of their minimum wage.
- Believe in Constitutional Law the way the founders' wrote it (for land-owning white males).
- Believe in Creationism because you don't understand science and aren't about to take scientists' word on faith!
- Plan on moving to Canada if Obama is elected again (where you need a license to own a gun and they have socialized medicine).
And you are a member of The Tequila Party if you ...
- Have ever started an evening with several shots of tequila then woke up on the street the next morning with your pants missing.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Tea Party needs to clean up
Big Government Spending
Tea Partiers, being mostly rural folks it seems, want to keep federal subsidies for small airlines operating in small towns. Republicans wanted to kill this (maybe they are rich enough to afford their own planes).
Similar interesting issues exist with agriculture subsidies.
Racism
The Tea Party will tell you all day long they aren't racists, but in an organization full of people on the right of the spectrum they are going to show up. The latest was at a public rally in Arkansas where one of their yahoo leaders told a racists joke about the lazy black people.
Don't look so anti-people
Don't spend energy trying to protect the rich from taxes while seemingly not caring about clean air, clean water, or allowing women to make their own choices.
Drop the "patriot"
Because the Tea Party believes in the old time staunch Republican conservative line makes them no more American than anyone else. Conservative does not equal patriotic. That's something the Republicans made up a few years ago and doesn't fool anyone.
Other traps to avoid
Evolution and climate change aren't politics; they are science. If you want to refute scientific data with your own data that's fine.
Tequila Party clean up
We always clean up after all of our parties!
Tea Partiers, being mostly rural folks it seems, want to keep federal subsidies for small airlines operating in small towns. Republicans wanted to kill this (maybe they are rich enough to afford their own planes).
Similar interesting issues exist with agriculture subsidies.
Racism
The Tea Party will tell you all day long they aren't racists, but in an organization full of people on the right of the spectrum they are going to show up. The latest was at a public rally in Arkansas where one of their yahoo leaders told a racists joke about the lazy black people.
Don't look so anti-people
Don't spend energy trying to protect the rich from taxes while seemingly not caring about clean air, clean water, or allowing women to make their own choices.
Drop the "patriot"
Because the Tea Party believes in the old time staunch Republican conservative line makes them no more American than anyone else. Conservative does not equal patriotic. That's something the Republicans made up a few years ago and doesn't fool anyone.
Other traps to avoid
Evolution and climate change aren't politics; they are science. If you want to refute scientific data with your own data that's fine.
Tequila Party clean up
We always clean up after all of our parties!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Tea Party 2.0
V1.0 was all about hitting the streets in front of the Fox News cameras and it worked well in the 2010 election. Besides, we love these kind of protesters:
The TP has quieted down. They claim they're working in the background to take over the Senate and work on legislation. What? Can't we leave the legislation to the professional lobbyists? Or is Tea Party 2.0 about sleazy behind-the-scenes lobbying just like every other influence-peddling group in D.C? Sounds too much like maturity and reality set in. That's boring.
We should counteract this with Tequila Party 2.0. It will now require two shots of tequila before entering the hallowed halls of Congress trying to buy votes. And we'll be dropping off two bottles of tequila at the front desk of all the swing voters on Capitol Hill. (Did it ever occur to anyone that the "swing voters" are the smart ones because these are the ones that can be bought).
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Tea Party won't give up!
Currently the teapartypatriots.org is at least sensible in its current lead article "calling on all conservative women" because they've pretty well shot themselves in the ass as far as getting women's votes. Apparently they forgot they're half the country.
Then there's the old standby teaparty.org declaring "America's fraud president." They "know" the liberal media is hiding the real birth certificate and other documents to prove Obama wasn't born in the U.S.
So they apparently have a plan to call one million households to tell the truth. All they want is your money to pay for it. I expect as the election nears you will hear more of this kind of crap. It's a way to foster doubt in people's minds.
Not sure this will work guys (old white guys to be exact). You might want to hope the economy tanks again in a double-dip. It's probably your dream. Please go back to large rallies with lots of signs about fascism and taxes. Those were the good old days!
Then there's the old standby teaparty.org declaring "America's fraud president." They "know" the liberal media is hiding the real birth certificate and other documents to prove Obama wasn't born in the U.S.
So they apparently have a plan to call one million households to tell the truth. All they want is your money to pay for it. I expect as the election nears you will hear more of this kind of crap. It's a way to foster doubt in people's minds.
Not sure this will work guys (old white guys to be exact). You might want to hope the economy tanks again in a double-dip. It's probably your dream. Please go back to large rallies with lots of signs about fascism and taxes. Those were the good old days!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Santorum out; the moderate in
Romney, that Massachusetts liberal, is the candidate for president now. The Tea Party has been quiet through most of the campaign. How will they react with two "socialists" running against each other? Just waiting to hear.
We know, it's tough for the Tea Partiers, ideology vs. pragmatism. It's not like Santorum had a chance in hell of winning in November. At least someone remembers Johnson vs. Goldwater and Nixon vs. McGovern.
Will the Tea Party turn back towards Congress and try to win the Senate? Let's hope so. We miss their wacky statements!
And remember ...
We know, it's tough for the Tea Partiers, ideology vs. pragmatism. It's not like Santorum had a chance in hell of winning in November. At least someone remembers Johnson vs. Goldwater and Nixon vs. McGovern.
Will the Tea Party turn back towards Congress and try to win the Senate? Let's hope so. We miss their wacky statements!
And remember ...
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Tea Party Leaders Say, "Vote Democratic"
Tea Party leaders are so fed up with the choices in the Republican primary they recommend their loyal followers to, "Vote for that black guy that stole the White House last time. At least we can beat him down in Congress."
The Tea Party is apparently afraid Romney may be more liberal than Obama. With Romney being from Massachusetts where everybody knows they want more taxes, government-mandated health care, and no guns.
Yes, this was posted on April 1st. Why? :)
The Tea Party is apparently afraid Romney may be more liberal than Obama. With Romney being from Massachusetts where everybody knows they want more taxes, government-mandated health care, and no guns.
Yes, this was posted on April 1st. Why? :)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Where did the Tea Party go?
The Tequila Party's ol' friends the Tea Party has been quiet, maybe too quiet. Are they out of fashion already?
After being The Big News during the mid-term elections a couple years ago we haven't heard much during this presidential race. Maybe only the Big Money talks now. Maybe they don't have a favorite candidate. Maybe they're already disillusioned with Washington politics. Maybe the news media has moved on.
The Tea Party leaders say they are still at it just in the background working on upcoming political races. They say their movement is working so they don't need to be so noisy any more.
We say we miss these guys:
After being The Big News during the mid-term elections a couple years ago we haven't heard much during this presidential race. Maybe only the Big Money talks now. Maybe they don't have a favorite candidate. Maybe they're already disillusioned with Washington politics. Maybe the news media has moved on.
The Tea Party leaders say they are still at it just in the background working on upcoming political races. They say their movement is working so they don't need to be so noisy any more.
We say we miss these guys:
Friday, March 16, 2012
Rick Santorum Quotes
Ol' Ricky at his best. Makes you wonder why people vote for him. Guess they must really hate Mitt!
“As in any other state, you have to comply with this and any federal law — and that is that English has to be the main language."
In Puerto Rico on the issue of statehood. Except there is no English language requirement. You remember Rick, the English Requirement folks just use that as a reason to stop those brown-skinned foreigners.
"One of my opponents [Romney] recently said that it would take an act of God for me to win this primary. I agree with him."
He said this in a Puerto Rican church.
"We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices. The bubble burst in housing because people couldn't pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline."
THAT explains it!
"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"
Interesting transition. Might as well say, "The ultimate form of contraception, being gay!"
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
"The reason Social Security is in big trouble is we don't have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion.”
Saving the best for last!
“As in any other state, you have to comply with this and any federal law — and that is that English has to be the main language."
In Puerto Rico on the issue of statehood. Except there is no English language requirement. You remember Rick, the English Requirement folks just use that as a reason to stop those brown-skinned foreigners.
"One of my opponents [Romney] recently said that it would take an act of God for me to win this primary. I agree with him."
He said this in a Puerto Rican church.
"We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices. The bubble burst in housing because people couldn't pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline."
THAT explains it!
"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"
Interesting transition. Might as well say, "The ultimate form of contraception, being gay!"
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
Another nice transition Ricky.
"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country."
Just ask Limbaugh how this worked out for him.
"Satan has his sights on the United States of America."
As do you Rick. Should we be concerned?
“In the Netherlands, people wear different bracelets if they are elderly. And the bracelet is: ‘Do not euthanize me.’ Because they have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands but half of the people who are euthanized — ten percent of all deaths in the Netherlands — half of those people are euthanized involuntarily at hospitals because they are older and sick."
Yep, lying always works if you don't have facts on your side.
“In the Netherlands, people wear different bracelets if they are elderly. And the bracelet is: ‘Do not euthanize me.’ Because they have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands but half of the people who are euthanized — ten percent of all deaths in the Netherlands — half of those people are euthanized involuntarily at hospitals because they are older and sick."
Yep, lying always works if you don't have facts on your side.
"The reason Social Security is in big trouble is we don't have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion.”
Saving the best for last!
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| Is this who we want for president!? |
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tea Party vs. Occupy Wall Street
Hey, guess what? They right-wing nut jobs are talking with the leftist/homeless/jobless gang! They should probably hate each other, but wouldn't it be interesting if they look for common ground and hit Washington together (once the weather warms up, of course)?
Both sides seem to hate the TARP bailouts of the banks though we don't know if either has ever offered a better solution.
Neither likes the Patriot Act's invasion on the rights of citizens. We're not sure who likes this and it just shows why Washington is out of touch.
Of course, the Tea Party wants the rich to keep all their money so they can trickle it down while the Occupy gang would like to tax the sh#t out of them.
Perhaps they could form a common group--something like GTHOMLYGSB--Get the Hell Out of My Life You Government Scumbags! Maybe just FWDC is easier (WDC means Washington DC. You can figure out the F).
Or we could all move to northern Idaho and buy a bunch of guns -- or maybe just relax with a couple margaritas (that would be less scary).
Both sides seem to hate the TARP bailouts of the banks though we don't know if either has ever offered a better solution.
Neither likes the Patriot Act's invasion on the rights of citizens. We're not sure who likes this and it just shows why Washington is out of touch.
Of course, the Tea Party wants the rich to keep all their money so they can trickle it down while the Occupy gang would like to tax the sh#t out of them.
Perhaps they could form a common group--something like GTHOMLYGSB--Get the Hell Out of My Life You Government Scumbags! Maybe just FWDC is easier (WDC means Washington DC. You can figure out the F).
Or we could all move to northern Idaho and buy a bunch of guns -- or maybe just relax with a couple margaritas (that would be less scary).
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| Not sure which side this guy is on |
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Candidate quotes
Campaign time is a great time for a laugh. Here's a few remarks from those who want to be the leader of the free world. No, don't be scared, just drink more tequila!
Mitt Romney aka Mr. Plastic
"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot."
"My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."
"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car.
"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." —Mitt Romney, speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.
"I get speaker's fees from time to time, but not very much." —Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year according to according to his personal financial disclosure.
"I love this state. The trees are the right height." —Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan.
The always lovable Rick Santorum
"Satan has his sights on the United States of America. This is a spiritual war." -- in 2008.
I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who's homosexual. If that's their orientation, then I accept that. And I have no problem with someone who has other orientations.
"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
Just to keep things "fair and balanced" here's a couple from that party guy Joe Biden
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." Or maybe it was the radio.
"Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." –- to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair.
Don't know about you all, but when we hear stuff like this coming from our leaders... well, we need a shot of tequila. Okay, not really "a" shot, maybe more.
Mitt Romney aka Mr. Plastic
"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot."
"My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."
"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car.
"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." —Mitt Romney, speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.
"I get speaker's fees from time to time, but not very much." —Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year according to according to his personal financial disclosure.
"I love this state. The trees are the right height." —Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan.
The always lovable Rick Santorum
"Satan has his sights on the United States of America. This is a spiritual war." -- in 2008.
I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who's homosexual. If that's their orientation, then I accept that. And I have no problem with someone who has other orientations.
"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
Just to keep things "fair and balanced" here's a couple from that party guy Joe Biden
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." Or maybe it was the radio.
"Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." –- to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair.
Don't know about you all, but when we hear stuff like this coming from our leaders... well, we need a shot of tequila. Okay, not really "a" shot, maybe more.
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