THE TEQUILA PARTY!

THE ANTI-TEA PARTY

The Tequila Party is about having so much fun with politics in America that we wind up with our head in the toilet at 2 a.m. Just like you should with tequila. Don't agree with me? Well, who gives a crap. Make yourself a margarita. And use fresh limes, damnit!

I was going to get really angry about all the lies I hear coming from Congress, the White House, Fox News, The Onion, etc., but instead I made a pitcher of margaritas and sat on the back porch. Try it!

What does the Tequila Party stand for? Do we really need a full-blown platform? I mean, the Tea Party seems to only be about getting rid of the black guy who stole the White House from the Republicans. Sore losers.

OK, here we go. Let's not let facts get in the way!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tea Party-inspired state legislation

Fresh with election victory, or at least making lots of noise, the Tea Party has inspired some wacko local legislation.

Utah (of course):  Gold and silver to be recognized as local tender because we all know the Democrats are destroying the dollar.  Just ask Glenn Beck.

   The Tequila Party stance:  How many gold fillings is it going to run for a bottle of Casa Noble Reposado?

North Dakota (who cares):  Require everyone to carry a gun.  I don't know the details--if this includes alcoholics, the legally insane, child molesters, etc.

   The Tequila Party stance:  Four shots of tequila and a 9mm--I don't see a problem.

Georgia (hey y'all):  Do away with drivers' licenses as driving is an inalienable right.  

   The Tequila Party stance:  Awesome!


Arizona (land o' guns): The state legislature passed a bill for a special license plate to support "Tea Party ideals."  Only problem: Local Tea Partiers aren't sure if they want to be seen taking gov't funds.

   The Tequila Party stance:  What? No "Hire an Illegal" plate?


Kentucky (living up to their image):  Make Kentucky a "sanctuary state" for coal mining (the environmental rules don't apply to them).

   The Tequila Party stance: It's only Kentucky, nobody'll notice

Iowa (more pigs than people): Allow businesses to refuse goods and services to anyone in a gay marriage.

   The Tequila Party stance:  There are more pigs than people in Iowa for a reason.

Montana (these guys win!):  A slew of great ideas from cowboys living with eight months of winter--it does something to you. 
1. Form an armed state militia to repel invaders. Not sure if this is the Feds or Canadians. Or maybe all the Californians that are moving in. 
2. Create a state commission that can veto any federal laws they don't like.  You know, like the Civil Rights Act or giving women the right to vote. 
3. Force people wanting a divorce to go through six weeks of counseling first.  This is what you call getting the gov't off people's backs?
4. You can hunt with a silencer on your rifle so you don't scare the deer away when you miss the first time.

   The Tequila Party stance:  Yikes!


The Tequila Party Summary:   We are looking forward to driving unlicensed, intoxicated, while carrying a gold bar and a gun.  The Tea Party rules!  But we are staying the hell out of Montana.

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