THE TEQUILA PARTY!

THE ANTI-TEA PARTY

The Tequila Party is about having so much fun with politics in America that we wind up with our head in the toilet at 2 a.m. Just like you should with tequila. Don't agree with me? Well, who gives a crap. Make yourself a margarita. And use fresh limes, damnit!

I was going to get really angry about all the lies I hear coming from Congress, the White House, Fox News, The Onion, etc., but instead I made a pitcher of margaritas and sat on the back porch. Try it!

What does the Tequila Party stand for? Do we really need a full-blown platform? I mean, the Tea Party seems to only be about getting rid of the black guy who stole the White House from the Republicans. Sore losers.

OK, here we go. Let's not let facts get in the way!

Friday, March 25, 2011

So what kind of people are in the Tea Party?

You have to pigeon-hole everybody so why not Tea Partiers?   And what is the Tequila Party stance on these weirdos because everyone has to have a position related to everyone else?   Sounds like a lot of work.   More work even than making margaritas without a blender.

Stupid People

These are the ones showing the failing of the American educational system.   Like the ones that say the Obama health care plan will lead to government workers coming around to kill grandma rather than having to pay for her care.  You'd think Tea Partiers, with their wanting to cut social programs, would be in favor of this as getting rid of grandma would save us on Medicare and Social Security.

Tequila Party stance:  We like our grandmothers.  They make cookies.

Losers

They have to blame somebody for their lot in life.  It might as well be the Democrats!

Tequila Party stance:  We're thinking of blaming the New York Yankees for what's wrong with America.

The Good Ol' Days Crowd

For some reason there are people who think the 1950s were great.  (If you happen to be White, male, Christian, and enjoy inhaling cigarette smoke).

Tequila Party stance:  What kind of tequilas were available in America in the '50s?  Just Sauza and Cuervo probably.  No thanks!

Racists

With the KKK out of favor for some reason this subset of the Losers crowd has to go somewhere.

Tequila Party stance:  After a couple margaritas we don't like to race--we like to sit on the patio.

Angry People

Old, white people who just want to be pissed at everything and everyone.  They don't have a reason--they're just cranky.  Either because they've been sober too long (like Glenn Beck) or because they aren't getting any (not like Newt Gingrich).

Tequila Party stance:   If ever there was a group that needed a couple shots of quality reposado.  Okay, maybe more than a couple.  But I'm not wasting my Añejo on them.

The True Believers

They believe both the Bible and Constitution are black-and-white and should be interpreted how they see it.

Tequila Party stance:  It's either blue agave from Jalisco or it's not--totally black-and-white.

Actual Conservatives

They must wonder how the hell they got in with this bunch of crazies.

Tequila Party stance:  Are Actual Conservatives the guys who only drink blended margaritas with no salt?  I was afraid of that.
  
 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)