A Tea Party Halloween

Tea Party Nation says, "Stop Hiring!"

That for-profit political organization, the Tea Party Nation, has told it's members to not hire anyone during the rest of Obama's first term.  Why?  To make him look bad and help defeat him in the next election.

Well, that's a new approach to politics.  Screw the unemployed.  Personal political results over country!

We hope them don't call themselves true Americans.  Or Christians.


What is The Tequila Party's view?  We say put people to work on mass transit. It sure would be nice to get a train ride home after three shots of Reposado during happy hour!

Tea Party and the Wall Street Protestors

What's the difference between the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street protesters?  Are they both fringe elements with single agenda items?

I guess the biggest difference would be the people. The Wall Streeters are young and are of  different colors!  Both say we've been shafted on the American Dream. Tea Partiers say it's strictly the government's fault--more specifically the Democrats.  Wall Streeters say it's the evil corporations who are trying to, gasp, make money!

The Tea Party is anti-bailout, anti-stimulus, sort of anti-corporate welfare, and definitely anti-big gov't.  The Wall Street protesters?  Not sure if they're anti any of those.  I think they just want jobs.

So exactly which America do the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street groups want back?  Is it the same one?  Or complete opposites? And do they really want something back (meaning they once had it) or do they want to turn society into their version of Utopia?

Wouldn't it be interesting if they both got politically stronger (the Tea Party is doing pretty well currently) and formed a common anti-the-way-things-are-now-in-Washington message?  The Establishment would be runnin' scared!

No, these definitely aren't Tea Party people

What does The Tequila Party think of all this?  We will join in with whichever side has the biggest margarita machine!

Another reason the Tequila Party is better than the Tea Party

Tea Party girls

Tequila girls

You decide which is right for you!

Tea Party Accessories

You can't have an organization and not sell trinkets.  I'm surprised the Tea Party doesn't have a wine club yet!


Of course, everyone has t-shirts

and bumper stickers.  Ho hum

A nice tote bag that speaks the truth as only certain type of people see it.

This sign for your front yard is cool.
Use it if your neighbor's house is up for sale to keep the Blacks, Mexicans and Muslims from moving in.

So it's now apparent The Tequila Party needs to get into merchandising.   First, any good marketeer will want to play on what people associate with a particular name.

Okay, we've got your basic t-shirt, too

But we've even got a tequila "shooter"

Of course, many tequila lovers might want a t-shirt like this...

Creating Crises

We were trying to figure out why the Tea Party folks are so damn angry and what exactly they are angry about.   Then, after two shots (maybe more) of Casa Noble Reposado, it hit us like well, like a shot of tequila!

It's all about orchestrated crises.  If there aren't any real ones then make something up.   The Tea Party writings seem to believe Obama is a commie and is leading us straight down the path to hell.   Can anybody tell us why?   Didn't think so, but they sure have gotten popular by making up this stuff.  I mean, they've sure got Sarah Palin kissin' their butt.

Okay, we have a debt crisis--the one that wasn't a problem when it was created by Bush Jr.   Also, homosexuals are apparently some sort of crisis.  As are the illegals who harvest our crops.  Perhaps forcing the gays to pick our strawberries would ease the debt crisis?   Why not.  Makes as much sense as anything else we've heard.

The Tequila Party is jealous of their success.  We must emulate if we hope to get sponsored by Fox News.  Heck, we'd settle for MSNBC.   After that we can worry about finding a babe to kiss our behinds.

So what crises can The Tequila Party create that only we can solve?

#1.  The obvious crisis.   Why does good tequila cost $40-up and who is responsible?   (Per the Tea Party finding the people responsible is key because we must know the enemy).  We don't believe it's right having college freshmen throwing up José Curevo.  Ugh.

#2.  Patrón Tequila has race cars and race car babes--why the hell don't the others?   It's some sort of do-gooder plot.  (Per the Tea Party we need conspiracies).

Did you know there actually was an event labeled the Tequila Crisis?   It was a financial crisis brought about by stupid Mexican politicians in the mid-90s.   The U.S. bailed them out.  Maybe it's Mexico's turn to repay the favor!

Tequila News

You can't make up stuff like this:

In Georgia a home was reported broken into where the thief escaped with hot dogs, a 1.5 liter bottle of (I'm guessing, some really bad) tequila, and cigarettes.

Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top is launching his own tequila brand (hey, if Sammy Hagar can do it) called Pura Vida.

Kenny Chesney has a song called, "You and Tequila" with lyrics like "You and tequila make me crazy."  He sings about it could kill him, how one is two many, but one isn't enough.   Sounds like tequila, huh?

Chef Megan Lambert of North Carolina has a recipe for a Margarita Pie with tequila, Triple Sec, and limes being key ingredients.  It sounds dee-licious.

The Everett, WA paper posted a recipe for a Margarita popsicle.  Yes, tequila, lime juice, and even Cointreau is suggested rather than the cheaper Triple Sec.

East Coast Earthquake

Did Obama cause the historic earthquake that shook the Eastern U.S?   Of course he did.   He's covering up his unspecified failures at governing.  The Washington Monument?  He had it cracked before the terrorists could get to it.  Obviously.

Palin would never had let this happen.

The new MLK memorial is just fine.  Obama would never let anything happen to that!   And he's just trying to get more money out of Congress with the excuse it will go to earthquake repairs.   Yeah, sure, we all know it's going to welfare mothers in Chicago.

Unfounded  paranoia is fun!  Maybe we could write for the Tea Party?

Top Ten Reasons to Join the Tea Party

Why would you want to become a member of the newest political trend?  Easy, it's trendy!   Here are some reasons to use when you friends ask you what the hell you were thinking.


Ten Reasons To Join the Tea Party

10. You can be angry at almost everybody.  Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, gays, and all the other people that aren't real Americans (just don't check the make-up of the armed forces).

9.  You might get to shoot something with Sarah Palin.

8.  You might get lucky with Bristol Palin.

7.  You'll have a reason to give back those Social Security checks the evil government keeps sending.

6.  You might get to meet beautiful/crazy Ann Coulters.

5.  If you're a black female you can be the only one in the party.  I mean, look what it did for Michael Steele.

4.  It's easier to show up in cutoff shorts and a tank top than having to put on those Klan robes.

3.  There are tons of cool Tea Party camo t-shirts available on e Bay.

2.  You might get to help build the fence across the Mexican border with Joe the Plumber.

1.  Party membership looks good on your resumé for that Walmart job.



One Reason to Join the Tequila Party

Teabonics

Teabonics = unique and creative usage of the English language in Tea Party protests.

This guy hates morans.
But he's fine with his moron brothers, of course.

See, the Founding Fathers were right-wingers
Even ol' Bene

Speaking English mandatory
Writing not so much apparently

Which prison?

No more boarders!  Let them stay elsewhere!

The latest theory by the Tea Partiers is that liberal infiltrators are purposely writing these signs to make them look stupid.   We have been caught red-handed.  Some of our members after perhaps one (or five) too many shots of tequila may just have written up a sign and joined the festivities.   Not because they are mean-spirited, but because they thought it was Mardi Gras.  We'll call their tequila-fueled use of the language Tequilabonics.

The Tequila Party is a big fan of the Tea Party

We love the Tea Party.   Well, actually it doesn't have to be a party.   We can drink tea with or without a big group of people and loud music.   But it's especially good in cold weather or when you just want to relax.

This is what the Tea Party is all about.  Right?

But there's always a shot of tequila, hot tea, and a slice of lemon in a mug -- a great way to relax from a tough day!   Now that's a Tea Party!

Sharron Angle -- Making the Tea Party look stupid!

Sharron "I don't let facts get in the way" Angle isn't doing the Tea Party any good by making up stuff (leave that to Fox News).  She lost to Harry Reid in the Nevada Senate race last fall.

"Obama has piled up more debt than all other presidents combined."
Check the numbers and you'll see Bush Jr outspent Obama.

"France gets 85% of its powers from nuclear plants."
Actually, it's about 74%.  The U.S. gets about 20% from nukes.  France is about the size of Texas.  France has more nuclear power because most power generation is state-controlled.  In the U.S. power supply is business-driven.  So you wanna be like France?


Some more quotes from Sharon that help her understand her reasoning:

People ask me, "What are you going to do to develop jobs in your state?" Well, that's not my job as a U.S. Senator.   (And somehow she last the election shortly after saying this)

You know, this is a war of ideology, a war of thoughts and of faith. And we need people to really stand for faith and trust, not hope and change.  (Sing along, "Onward Christian soldiers...")

We needed to have the press be our friend. We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.   (She didn't read the part about the free press)

We're talking about a militant terrorist situation, which I believe it isn't a widespread thing, but it is enough that we need to address, and we have been addressing it. My thoughts are these, first of all, Dearborn, Michigan, and Frankford, Texas are on American soil, and under constitutional law. Not Sharia law.  (Those towns have large Muslim populations and they are apparently about to take over)

And her most "famous" statement:

I hope that's not where we're going, but you know if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.


Just to keep things even we'll give you a tequila quote from Hugh Laurie, the actor from House, MD:

I have been instrumental in banning bottled water on the set. It hasn't gone that well with the crew... so I replaced it with tequila.