East Coast Earthquake

Did Obama cause the historic earthquake that shook the Eastern U.S?   Of course he did.   He's covering up his unspecified failures at governing.  The Washington Monument?  He had it cracked before the terrorists could get to it.  Obviously.

Palin would never had let this happen.

The new MLK memorial is just fine.  Obama would never let anything happen to that!   And he's just trying to get more money out of Congress with the excuse it will go to earthquake repairs.   Yeah, sure, we all know it's going to welfare mothers in Chicago.

Unfounded  paranoia is fun!  Maybe we could write for the Tea Party?

Top Ten Reasons to Join the Tea Party

Why would you want to become a member of the newest political trend?  Easy, it's trendy!   Here are some reasons to use when you friends ask you what the hell you were thinking.


Ten Reasons To Join the Tea Party

10. You can be angry at almost everybody.  Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, gays, and all the other people that aren't real Americans (just don't check the make-up of the armed forces).

9.  You might get to shoot something with Sarah Palin.

8.  You might get lucky with Bristol Palin.

7.  You'll have a reason to give back those Social Security checks the evil government keeps sending.

6.  You might get to meet beautiful/crazy Ann Coulters.

5.  If you're a black female you can be the only one in the party.  I mean, look what it did for Michael Steele.

4.  It's easier to show up in cutoff shorts and a tank top than having to put on those Klan robes.

3.  There are tons of cool Tea Party camo t-shirts available on e Bay.

2.  You might get to help build the fence across the Mexican border with Joe the Plumber.

1.  Party membership looks good on your resumé for that Walmart job.



One Reason to Join the Tequila Party

Teabonics

Teabonics = unique and creative usage of the English language in Tea Party protests.

This guy hates morans.
But he's fine with his moron brothers, of course.

See, the Founding Fathers were right-wingers
Even ol' Bene

Speaking English mandatory
Writing not so much apparently

Which prison?

No more boarders!  Let them stay elsewhere!

The latest theory by the Tea Partiers is that liberal infiltrators are purposely writing these signs to make them look stupid.   We have been caught red-handed.  Some of our members after perhaps one (or five) too many shots of tequila may just have written up a sign and joined the festivities.   Not because they are mean-spirited, but because they thought it was Mardi Gras.  We'll call their tequila-fueled use of the language Tequilabonics.

The Tequila Party is a big fan of the Tea Party

We love the Tea Party.   Well, actually it doesn't have to be a party.   We can drink tea with or without a big group of people and loud music.   But it's especially good in cold weather or when you just want to relax.

This is what the Tea Party is all about.  Right?

But there's always a shot of tequila, hot tea, and a slice of lemon in a mug -- a great way to relax from a tough day!   Now that's a Tea Party!

Sharron Angle -- Making the Tea Party look stupid!

Sharron "I don't let facts get in the way" Angle isn't doing the Tea Party any good by making up stuff (leave that to Fox News).  She lost to Harry Reid in the Nevada Senate race last fall.

"Obama has piled up more debt than all other presidents combined."
Check the numbers and you'll see Bush Jr outspent Obama.

"France gets 85% of its powers from nuclear plants."
Actually, it's about 74%.  The U.S. gets about 20% from nukes.  France is about the size of Texas.  France has more nuclear power because most power generation is state-controlled.  In the U.S. power supply is business-driven.  So you wanna be like France?


Some more quotes from Sharon that help her understand her reasoning:

People ask me, "What are you going to do to develop jobs in your state?" Well, that's not my job as a U.S. Senator.   (And somehow she last the election shortly after saying this)

You know, this is a war of ideology, a war of thoughts and of faith. And we need people to really stand for faith and trust, not hope and change.  (Sing along, "Onward Christian soldiers...")

We needed to have the press be our friend. We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.   (She didn't read the part about the free press)

We're talking about a militant terrorist situation, which I believe it isn't a widespread thing, but it is enough that we need to address, and we have been addressing it. My thoughts are these, first of all, Dearborn, Michigan, and Frankford, Texas are on American soil, and under constitutional law. Not Sharia law.  (Those towns have large Muslim populations and they are apparently about to take over)

And her most "famous" statement:

I hope that's not where we're going, but you know if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.


Just to keep things even we'll give you a tequila quote from Hugh Laurie, the actor from House, MD:

I have been instrumental in banning bottled water on the set. It hasn't gone that well with the crew... so I replaced it with tequila.

The Tequila Party Protest March!

See, The Tequila Party members can get angry too!  We're just not sure what to be angry about as all the good causes are taken.  So we've decided to protest protests.  What the hell.  After a couple shots of tequila it sounded like a good idea ...

We spent our unemployment checks on a good bottle

of reposado and a plane ticket to Washington for this

We absolutely hate adding to the landfill

It started raining so these protesters 

ducked inside for a quick lunch break

A message to all the groups who don't like us

Remember the Tea Party election promises?

The Tea Party promised to balance the budget, get America back to work, and put us on the "right" course.   Let's see how they're doing.  Okay, we hate to give away the answer right away, but they're doing about as well as all the other politicians.

The Budget
Not only isn't it balanced but it may wind up costing us more. How'd they do that? Well, we keep the subsidies for the rich (like Exxon) and don't raise the taxes on the rich (like the Exxon board of directors).  They have, however, tried to destroy Medicare.  Rich people can buy insurance with their tax rebates!

Back to Work
I'm still waiting for that trickle down effect ...

Moving us to the Right
They are attempting to cut reproductive health care for poor women, get rid of that Commie public radio, and while complaining about Obama's bailouts they don't seem to care that the Wall Street guys bring in big salaries and bonuses.

Okay, so that's what's wrong.  But what does The Tequila Party stand for?

The Budget
Guess who doesn't get paid until this is figured out?   Congress, the President, VP, Budget Director, and several others we'll think of later when the tequila wears off.

Back to Work
Guess who loses their jobs in six months if the unemployment isn't below seven percent?

Moving us to the Right
Why does Left or Right seem to mean less freedom?

With all this talk about politics we need a drink!   All we can say is ...

Illegal Aliens

Not the ones from Mars.  They can stay.

We all know who we're talking about.  They have brown skin (Martians have green--same color as the dollar).   The bad aliens are Arab terrorists, or worse, Mexicans who are picking our fruits and vegetables.

The Tea Party hates illegals for good reason as they are stealing the farm jobs from us. Those of us looking for work and would be happy to be a strawberry picker as long you don't actually have to bend over all day in the hot sun.  And I hope there's a strong union to get us plenty of holidays and workman's comp when many of us Gringos throw our backs out.

The Tequila Party takes great exception with this stereotypical view of Mexicans in America.   Where do you think tequila comes from?  (yes, I know, from a bottle).   Do we want to piss off Mexican and have them boycott tequila exports to America?   Do you really want to see us cry?

Illegals are easy enough to spot...
Doing work you'd never do.

Where would America be without taquerias and tequila bars?  You can't have Gringos running those--what a disaster.

You want to be careful how you write any "kick out the illegals" law.  What if the Indians turn around and use it on the rest of us?   No offense, but we ain't going back to Europe.  Our ancestors left because everyone knows the weather in Europe blows.

The 14th amendment has guaranteed our right to tequila and Mexican food!   (See we can bend reality as well as any Tea Party hack).

Happy Independence Day!

"One Nation" whatever your political beliefs

Tea Party Summer Camp

Yes, for your kids!  You know, they require a fair and balanced look at the world rather than just relying on their leftist, elitist teachers.   So there's the Tampa (FL) Liberty School where junior can learn about Glenn Beck's gold standard, God, and the fact that "Government cannot force me to be charitable" (that's a direct quote).

Hopefully, junior will come home able to field strip an AR15 in the dark.

I wonder how many black kids will be attending?

Which, of course, brings up a brilliant idea:  How about a Tequila Party summer camp?

This will be for teens wanting to attend one of America's best party schools like Univ of Florida, Chico State, or UC Boulder.  After all you don't want your precious little Annie to be sent off far away from home with no adult supervision without some advance knowledge of what's going to happen to her.

After you sign several waivers ans swear under oath you're not in law enforcement we'll be on our way teaching her the proper partying etiquette.  Rest assured there will be lots of refreshments, music and wet t-shirt contests.  Plus she'll come home with her own tattoo as a reminder of the experience.

and she gets her own camp t-shirt!

Chocolate and Tequila Tasting--This is Just Wrong

Okay, our first thought was, "Coffee and chocolate, port and chocolate, even Cabernet and chocolate."   But tequila?    And it gets worse.

In Santa Barbara, CA, the home of the leftists, a charity event was given to help eradicate harassment and prejudice among teens at the local high school.  It's called "The Chocolate and Tequila Tasting Party for the Academy of Healing Arts for Kids" (I told you they were leftists). Oh yeah, there was an inspiring story from someone who said as a teen he was, "Going down the wrong path...abusing drugs and alcohol."

Jose Cuervo-filled chocolates.  Ewwww.

So why not have a fundraiser based on tequila shots?   But skip the damn chocolate.  Please.

A slap in the face to tequila lovers everywhere

Bristol Palin, never one to shy away from attention (much like her mother), has revealed that she lost her virginity while drunk on wine coolers.   And she couldn't even remember the event she says.  Plus she says it was the first time she ever had alcohol.    Yeah, sure.

Well, at least she's not always
drinking and getting pregnant

Why she would go public with a story like this can only be attention whoring.   More disturbing though is the fact that her loss (why do they call it a loss?) happened on something as awful as wine coolers.   If she had been smart enough to get into college this "event" would happen with cheap tequila--a time-honored tradition.  I imagine Sauza and Cuevo have been responsible for this act more than any other drink.

Somehow you knew she wasn't any smarter than her mother.