Sex Education and the Tequila Party

Tequila and sex.  Do those two go together or what?   (Ask any college student).

I don't believe I've heard an official stance from the Tea Party on their sex ed beliefs, but I can guess.   They aren't getting any themselves so why should anyone else learn about it?   Many Conservatives want sex ed left to the back rooms of Congress and airport bathrooms where it belongs.

But tequila and sex.    There's a rumor that Natalie Portman and whoever the heck the other woman is in Black Swan knocked back a few shots before getting up the nerve to shoot their sex scene.   And there's the "singer" Tila Tequila who, of course, has a sex tape.

So yes, the Tequila Party is all for Sex Education.   The more the better.
 

The other Tequila Party

The "other" Tequila Party has roots with Hispanics in Nevada who want their own splinter political party to highlight items important to them.  They don't want the old, angry white guys to have all the fun (the Tea Party).  If you check the latest census data there are a lot more people of Hispanic background in America now, especially in the West, so it's time to show some muscle, right?

But the Tequila Party?   Olé.   What a name!   You might as well call it the "eight guys in the bed of a pickup truck looking for work" party.  Maybe don't mimic the Tea Party quite that closely.   The original Boston Tea Party has historic contributions to America.  The Tequila Party, well, sounds like a bunch of college kids in a dorm room.

So how do you tie-in Latino contributions to America?  How about the Selma Hayek Party!   I would avoid the Tony Orlando Party to stay away from the stereotyping similar to using the Tequila Party name.

Come on you guys!
Set the right image for your cause!

Tea Party-inspired state legislation

Fresh with election victory, or at least making lots of noise, the Tea Party has inspired some wacko local legislation.

Utah (of course):  Gold and silver to be recognized as local tender because we all know the Democrats are destroying the dollar.  Just ask Glenn Beck.

   The Tequila Party stance:  How many gold fillings is it going to run for a bottle of Casa Noble Reposado?

North Dakota (who cares):  Require everyone to carry a gun.  I don't know the details--if this includes alcoholics, the legally insane, child molesters, etc.

   The Tequila Party stance:  Four shots of tequila and a 9mm--I don't see a problem.

Georgia (hey y'all):  Do away with drivers' licenses as driving is an inalienable right.  

   The Tequila Party stance:  Awesome!


Arizona (land o' guns): The state legislature passed a bill for a special license plate to support "Tea Party ideals."  Only problem: Local Tea Partiers aren't sure if they want to be seen taking gov't funds.

   The Tequila Party stance:  What? No "Hire an Illegal" plate?


Kentucky (living up to their image):  Make Kentucky a "sanctuary state" for coal mining (the environmental rules don't apply to them).

   The Tequila Party stance: It's only Kentucky, nobody'll notice

Iowa (more pigs than people): Allow businesses to refuse goods and services to anyone in a gay marriage.

   The Tequila Party stance:  There are more pigs than people in Iowa for a reason.

Montana (these guys win!):  A slew of great ideas from cowboys living with eight months of winter--it does something to you. 
1. Form an armed state militia to repel invaders. Not sure if this is the Feds or Canadians. Or maybe all the Californians that are moving in. 
2. Create a state commission that can veto any federal laws they don't like.  You know, like the Civil Rights Act or giving women the right to vote. 
3. Force people wanting a divorce to go through six weeks of counseling first.  This is what you call getting the gov't off people's backs?
4. You can hunt with a silencer on your rifle so you don't scare the deer away when you miss the first time.

   The Tequila Party stance:  Yikes!


The Tequila Party Summary:   We are looking forward to driving unlicensed, intoxicated, while carrying a gold bar and a gun.  The Tea Party rules!  But we are staying the hell out of Montana.

The Tequila Party and the Gulf Oil Spill

We are against it.

The Tea Party actually has an official stand on this.  They say the President is trying to extort money out of corporations by telling BP they have to pay for their mess.

We are (almost) speechless with this one.   We would like to take whomever wrote this item for the Tea Party, hold them to the ground, and force mass quantities of Tres Generaciones down their throat.  Or maybe that's too good for them.  How about Sauza?

That is all.

Who are the Tequila Party supporters?

There are lots of studies on the Tea Party.  Everybody is curious as to who the hell these angry white people are.

Some statistics:

• 89% white (who the hell are the other 11%?)
• 75% 45+ years old (seems like 65+)
• 37% college grads (kinda surprising)
• 58% have guns in the house (duh)
• 61% Protestant, 38% Evangelical (oh, oh)
• 66% have a favorable opinion of Sarah Palin, 59% of Glenn Beck (oh, oh, again)

So if the Tequila Party is opposite of the Tea Party does that mean it's a bunch of whining, shrieking left-wing nut jobs?    Well, let's generalize the left and the right because pigeonholing people is fun:  

Right: Freedom for themselves, restrictions on everyone they don't like.  Take from the poor, give to the rich.

Left: Freedom for no one as the gov't knows what's best for you.  Take from the rich, give to the lazy.

The Tequila Party doesn't like either.  The Tequila Party needs a shot of a good reposado right now with all this talk about politics.

So who is the typical Tequila Party supporter?

We think the typical tequila believer is a 20 year old college student (or wishes they still were) who spends Sunday morning getting over a hangover rather than in church, doesn't pay attention to what Bristol Palin is doing, and who stays the hell away from guns while drinking (otherwise they become a different statistic).



The typical Tequila Party demographic



All that's right with the Tea Party

The Tequila Party likes to make fun of the Tea Partiers.  Well, that's our second favorite thing after a blender full of margaritas on a warm afternoon.

We would like to correct our past transgressions.

The Tea Party really is all about mainstream America and they want their country back.  That's why they need their guns because apparently the only way to get Obama's real birth certificate is at gunpoint.  It's about the defense of the republic.

Their top concern is with "protecting the Constitution" and who can argue with that?   Only Commies and Muslims, I suppose.  Secondly, they want a balanced budget now, but curiously, weren't so concerned with this five years ago. 

One example of the out-of-control gov't is that over the past ten years the cost of running Congress has increased 89 percent according to the Capitol News Connection.  It's now about $5.4 billion dollars a year.  

The Tequila Party's first order of business is to fire 75% of Congressmen and women plus 100% of Congressional staffs.   We need Donald Trump for president and his vast experience with firing people.





Yes, this was posted on April 1st.