The Tea Party hates Muslims, Islam, Arabs, and anybody else who isn't white and doesn't speak English as their first language. It's especially a problem with the followers of Islam because they are all terrorists. I mean Jesus Christ, look throughout history, a Christian has never killed anyone over religion. But the Tea Party says to never trust an Arab (pronounced "AY-rab") even if, God forbid, they are your neighbor because they'll turn on you as soon as you let your guard down. (Really, they say this--look it up).
I'm beginning to think this is marjuana-fueled paranoia. You don't think the Tea Partiers would really smoke ....?
The Tequila Party is in agreement with the Tea Party on this. Okay, not quite in agreement, but you have to ask, are so many people in that part of the world angry because they live under dictatorships? Or is it maybe a lack of alcohol, specifically tequila?
Could tequila really solve many of our problems in that part of the world? These people mostly live in a hot-ass climate and they are being denied blended margaritas! Prove us wrong. Therefore this is the party's official stance.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Tequila Party's symbol and motto
To be an official organization, like the Boy Scouts, we should have a tag line and a picture so people can remember us. You know, like the Tea Party has old, angry, white people holding up a piece of cardboard with a picture of Obama sporting a Hitler mustache.
I belive this would send the wrong message
A much better symbol would be a field of blue agave
Less obvious is our tag line. Examples are:
Hebrew National, "We answer to a higher authority"
John Deere, "Nothing runs like a deer"
Perhaps the Tequila Party could use ideas from others without outright theft. Examples:
"I can't believe I drank the whole thing"
"Behold the power of tequila"
"Think outside the bottle"
"Better living through tequila"
After much thought (about 17 seconds worth) I like taking Club Med's "The antidote for civilization" and using "The Tequila Party, the antidote for politics"
Select your favorite. Vote now, vote often.
I belive this would send the wrong message
A much better symbol would be a field of blue agave
Less obvious is our tag line. Examples are:
Hebrew National, "We answer to a higher authority"
John Deere, "Nothing runs like a deer"
Perhaps the Tequila Party could use ideas from others without outright theft. Examples:
"I can't believe I drank the whole thing"
"Behold the power of tequila"
"Think outside the bottle"
"Better living through tequila"
After much thought (about 17 seconds worth) I like taking Club Med's "The antidote for civilization" and using "The Tequila Party, the antidote for politics"
Select your favorite. Vote now, vote often.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
George Lopez and the Tequila Party
So it appears comedian George Lopez and other Latinos stole my idea for a Tequila Party several months before I came up with it. The Latino version, however, is much more limited in scope. They seemed focused on Arizona's controversial "let's pull over a Mexican" law.
Hey George, you're Hispanic, what makes you think you are qualified to lead the Tequila Party? There are probably any number of college co-eds that know more about a tequila party than you. Beside I believe the tequila party has been a tradition for decades at many outstanding college campuses--and Chico State.
Sorry George, but I nominate for our spokesperson whoever the hell this is:
Hey George, you're Hispanic, what makes you think you are qualified to lead the Tequila Party? There are probably any number of college co-eds that know more about a tequila party than you. Beside I believe the tequila party has been a tradition for decades at many outstanding college campuses--and Chico State.
Sorry George, but I nominate for our spokesperson whoever the hell this is:
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Getting the word out
There's nothing like free publicity for you (if you're egotistical) or your cause (if you think you're always right).
Examples:
Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, etc. have no actual talent, but are known everywhere. How did they do it?
Certain Congressmen believe the Internet and cell phones are actually private. Periodically one of them gets lots of free publicity.
Therefore the Tequila Party is releasing a sex tape!
Here you go:
Examples:
Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, etc. have no actual talent, but are known everywhere. How did they do it?
Certain Congressmen believe the Internet and cell phones are actually private. Periodically one of them gets lots of free publicity.
Therefore the Tequila Party is releasing a sex tape!
Here you go:
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Tequila Party Stars
The Tea Party has their stars: Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck (and the whole Fox News staff). The Tequila Party needs some, too, and I'm hoping for someone with an IQ over 80--just to be different.
The obvious choice is Tila Tequila. Haven't heard of her? Then you don't look at porn, do you? She's had a reality show, appears in mens' magazines, and done other, um, similar stuff. She has the name to help us Tequilers get into the spotlight and maybe even get Glenn Beck into another paranoia-inspired rant.
Or maybe the Tequila Party should have someone like The Dos Equis Man who is famous for saying, "Stay thirsty my friends" and nothing else. But that could get boring.
I'm pretty sure we don't want this person representing us, however.
The obvious choice is Tila Tequila. Haven't heard of her? Then you don't look at porn, do you? She's had a reality show, appears in mens' magazines, and done other, um, similar stuff. She has the name to help us Tequilers get into the spotlight and maybe even get Glenn Beck into another paranoia-inspired rant.
 |
| See, Tila is hotter than Sarah ever was! |
Or maybe the Tequila Party should have someone like The Dos Equis Man who is famous for saying, "Stay thirsty my friends" and nothing else. But that could get boring.
I'm pretty sure we don't want this person representing us, however.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Guns and the Tequila Party
Everyone needs a stance on owning guns. I'm not sure why, but apparently the Tequila Party needs one.
The tea tottlers, I mean Tea Party, likes guns as do all good Republicans. Some people actually hunt with them though I'm not sure how a 9 mm Glock is at taking down a deer from 100 yards.
Official party stance: All of the guns should not be in the hands of the gun nuts.
It seems like tequila and guns are made for each other. Tequila makes you happy. Guns make you happy cuz you can shoot up stuff. So it just make sense that the two together will be one great time. Shooting up old, empty tequila bottles, or full José Curevo bottles, is good sport!
More importantly, the founding fathers gave us our gun rights. In fact, they have all made statements about beer and wine such as Benjamin Franklin's famous, "Beer is proof God loves us and wants to see us happy." He could have easily made the same statement about automatic weapons if they'd had them back then. Unfortunately, there's no history of Americans and tequila until the war with Mexico over Texas. At least Texas was good for something!
The tea tottlers, I mean Tea Party, likes guns as do all good Republicans. Some people actually hunt with them though I'm not sure how a 9 mm Glock is at taking down a deer from 100 yards.
Official party stance: All of the guns should not be in the hands of the gun nuts.
It seems like tequila and guns are made for each other. Tequila makes you happy. Guns make you happy cuz you can shoot up stuff. So it just make sense that the two together will be one great time. Shooting up old, empty tequila bottles, or full José Curevo bottles, is good sport!
More importantly, the founding fathers gave us our gun rights. In fact, they have all made statements about beer and wine such as Benjamin Franklin's famous, "Beer is proof God loves us and wants to see us happy." He could have easily made the same statement about automatic weapons if they'd had them back then. Unfortunately, there's no history of Americans and tequila until the war with Mexico over Texas. At least Texas was good for something!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Welcome to the Tequila Party
What does the Tequila Party stand for? I don't know yet, but it's not like anyone really knows what the Tea Party is about except they hate Democrats. They certainly don't let facts, reason, or American history get in the way and neither should the Tequila Party!
What do the Tea Partiers need? Well, they need a drink and they need to get laid, but after looking a news photos of your typical Tea Party members I'm guessing getting them a drink will be easier than getting them laid as I don't believe I'd want to see a single one of them nekked and neither should you.
So, a couple shots of a really, really good tequila is in order for these people. Something like an El Tesora Anejo or a Casa Noble. Even if we have to hold them down and force-feed them it's the right thing to do. This will make all this political bullshit seem like... well, bullshit.
Now I guess the Tequila Party still needs some kind of platform.
What do the Tea Partiers need? Well, they need a drink and they need to get laid, but after looking a news photos of your typical Tea Party members I'm guessing getting them a drink will be easier than getting them laid as I don't believe I'd want to see a single one of them nekked and neither should you.
So, a couple shots of a really, really good tequila is in order for these people. Something like an El Tesora Anejo or a Casa Noble. Even if we have to hold them down and force-feed them it's the right thing to do. This will make all this political bullshit seem like... well, bullshit.
Now I guess the Tequila Party still needs some kind of platform.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)