Republican Candidate of the Month

Welcome to the Republican primary and the COTM.  Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Gingrich, and even Ron Paul!  Some dropped out because they were discovered to be crazy, some because they can't keep their you-know-what in their pants. Anything to avoid Romney apparently. He's from one of them liberal states and he gave the people what they wanted--health insurance. OMG.  Stick to principles not the will of the people.  (Just ask Congress).

Once the primaries actually kick-off the real candidates will float to the top. The question is besides Romney, who?

The scary / funny part is you just know Palin can't wait to jump in--she needs the attention. No, she craves the attention. It has noting to do with serving the people as she showed by quitting as governor. Does she really think she has a chance or is her goal to be Romney's vice president? She'd be a good VP in that we have a history of VP's saying dumb things (Biden) or just being dumb (Quayle).

I mean, we apparently can't get too much of the Kardashians so maybe we won't ever get tired of Sarah. She can keep showing up every once in awhile "when duty calls."

The Tequila Party plans on sitting back in front of the fire this winter with a glass of Patrón and watch the self-destruction continue.

Merry Christmas

From the Tequila Party.

May Santa give you everything you want ...

Tea Party-supported candidate merry-go-round

In the upcoming election it appears the Tea Party will back anybody as long as it's not Mitt Romney.  I mean, Newt Gingrich?  Seriously?  Are these the same people that are against big government, cronyism and for family values?  Which part of Newt's background did you miss?

Though it seems if the Tea Party was really for smaller gov't and not just a big gov't that aligns with their beliefs then they'd be all in behind Ron Paul.

Who does the Tequila Party support? Anybody that will get us back to work!

Unfortunately, nobody like that is running.

Tea Party holiday gift ideas

For your favorite true American/bigot/patriot/red neck (you choose).


Book: Ann Coulter's "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism." Includes the "truth" about the  McCarthy era.
If you look up "crazy bigot" you should find her picture.

The Hillary Clinton nut cracker
Now that's funny right there.

The Waterboard Game
The kids will never lie to you again.

A bumper sticker for their Suburban

And the best gift of all...

And for The Tequila Party person in your life?

Tequila is stronger than Tea!

Well, it is!   And if you don't already know that then all we can say is:  What the HELL is wrong with y'all?

Look!
The Moraccan tea party!

We all know tequila is a gift from the gods (except for Jose Cuervo, of course, it's straight from the devil).  Tea is used for high-brow social gathering in places like the UK and, gasp, the Middle East!   Does the Tea Party know this?   And tea comes in black and green. You don't hear about old white tea do you?

We could go on about why tequila is better than tea, but it's happy hour ...

Judson Phillips--Leader of the Tea Party Nation

Phillips is a criminal defense attorney from Tennessee.  His job should be enough to tell you he's not good with the truth.   Let's see what he's been up to.

Look! He's a middle-aged
white guy in a suit!

He believes President Obama made the announcement that we'd got bin Laden during Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice show on purpose.

Tequila-inspired response: Everything happened because of Bush Jr. You know that.

The Tucson shooter of Giffords and others was a liberal lunatic according to Phillips.

Tequila-inspired response: Gun-totin' Commies--they're everywhere!

Some of the Tea Party Nation members are a bit upset at the costs to get into the group's events as Phillips has stated he wants to make a million dollars from the movement.

Tequila-inspired response: Why not? There's plenty of for-profit "religions."

Judson Phillips is being sued by a Vegas hotel where he reneged on rooms he booked for a Tea Party convention that never happened.

Tequila-inspired response: The hookers are pissed, too.

He believed the "gay barbarians" are mean because they are out to get poor Michelle Bachmann.

Tequila-inspired response: Mean? At least the Tea Party demonstrations are soooo polite.

And, of course, he still believe Obama isn't really a citizen.

Tequila-inspired response: If you can prove it once you should be able to prove it over-and-over unless you're hiding something.

He's been quoted as saying you should have to be a  property owner to be able to vote.  Great idea as there would be a lot of  poor people, young people and old people who wouldn't be able to vote.


Tequila-inspired response: What an asshole!

A Tea Party Halloween

Tea Party Nation says, "Stop Hiring!"

That for-profit political organization, the Tea Party Nation, has told it's members to not hire anyone during the rest of Obama's first term.  Why?  To make him look bad and help defeat him in the next election.

Well, that's a new approach to politics.  Screw the unemployed.  Personal political results over country!

We hope them don't call themselves true Americans.  Or Christians.


What is The Tequila Party's view?  We say put people to work on mass transit. It sure would be nice to get a train ride home after three shots of Reposado during happy hour!

Tea Party and the Wall Street Protestors

What's the difference between the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street protesters?  Are they both fringe elements with single agenda items?

I guess the biggest difference would be the people. The Wall Streeters are young and are of  different colors!  Both say we've been shafted on the American Dream. Tea Partiers say it's strictly the government's fault--more specifically the Democrats.  Wall Streeters say it's the evil corporations who are trying to, gasp, make money!

The Tea Party is anti-bailout, anti-stimulus, sort of anti-corporate welfare, and definitely anti-big gov't.  The Wall Street protesters?  Not sure if they're anti any of those.  I think they just want jobs.

So exactly which America do the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street groups want back?  Is it the same one?  Or complete opposites? And do they really want something back (meaning they once had it) or do they want to turn society into their version of Utopia?

Wouldn't it be interesting if they both got politically stronger (the Tea Party is doing pretty well currently) and formed a common anti-the-way-things-are-now-in-Washington message?  The Establishment would be runnin' scared!

No, these definitely aren't Tea Party people

What does The Tequila Party think of all this?  We will join in with whichever side has the biggest margarita machine!

Another reason the Tequila Party is better than the Tea Party

Tea Party girls

Tequila girls

You decide which is right for you!

Tea Party Accessories

You can't have an organization and not sell trinkets.  I'm surprised the Tea Party doesn't have a wine club yet!


Of course, everyone has t-shirts

and bumper stickers.  Ho hum

A nice tote bag that speaks the truth as only certain type of people see it.

This sign for your front yard is cool.
Use it if your neighbor's house is up for sale to keep the Blacks, Mexicans and Muslims from moving in.

So it's now apparent The Tequila Party needs to get into merchandising.   First, any good marketeer will want to play on what people associate with a particular name.

Okay, we've got your basic t-shirt, too

But we've even got a tequila "shooter"

Of course, many tequila lovers might want a t-shirt like this...

Creating Crises

We were trying to figure out why the Tea Party folks are so damn angry and what exactly they are angry about.   Then, after two shots (maybe more) of Casa Noble Reposado, it hit us like well, like a shot of tequila!

It's all about orchestrated crises.  If there aren't any real ones then make something up.   The Tea Party writings seem to believe Obama is a commie and is leading us straight down the path to hell.   Can anybody tell us why?   Didn't think so, but they sure have gotten popular by making up this stuff.  I mean, they've sure got Sarah Palin kissin' their butt.

Okay, we have a debt crisis--the one that wasn't a problem when it was created by Bush Jr.   Also, homosexuals are apparently some sort of crisis.  As are the illegals who harvest our crops.  Perhaps forcing the gays to pick our strawberries would ease the debt crisis?   Why not.  Makes as much sense as anything else we've heard.

The Tequila Party is jealous of their success.  We must emulate if we hope to get sponsored by Fox News.  Heck, we'd settle for MSNBC.   After that we can worry about finding a babe to kiss our behinds.

So what crises can The Tequila Party create that only we can solve?

#1.  The obvious crisis.   Why does good tequila cost $40-up and who is responsible?   (Per the Tea Party finding the people responsible is key because we must know the enemy).  We don't believe it's right having college freshmen throwing up José Curevo.  Ugh.

#2.  Patrón Tequila has race cars and race car babes--why the hell don't the others?   It's some sort of do-gooder plot.  (Per the Tea Party we need conspiracies).

Did you know there actually was an event labeled the Tequila Crisis?   It was a financial crisis brought about by stupid Mexican politicians in the mid-90s.   The U.S. bailed them out.  Maybe it's Mexico's turn to repay the favor!

Tequila News

You can't make up stuff like this:

In Georgia a home was reported broken into where the thief escaped with hot dogs, a 1.5 liter bottle of (I'm guessing, some really bad) tequila, and cigarettes.

Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top is launching his own tequila brand (hey, if Sammy Hagar can do it) called Pura Vida.

Kenny Chesney has a song called, "You and Tequila" with lyrics like "You and tequila make me crazy."  He sings about it could kill him, how one is two many, but one isn't enough.   Sounds like tequila, huh?

Chef Megan Lambert of North Carolina has a recipe for a Margarita Pie with tequila, Triple Sec, and limes being key ingredients.  It sounds dee-licious.

The Everett, WA paper posted a recipe for a Margarita popsicle.  Yes, tequila, lime juice, and even Cointreau is suggested rather than the cheaper Triple Sec.

East Coast Earthquake

Did Obama cause the historic earthquake that shook the Eastern U.S?   Of course he did.   He's covering up his unspecified failures at governing.  The Washington Monument?  He had it cracked before the terrorists could get to it.  Obviously.

Palin would never had let this happen.

The new MLK memorial is just fine.  Obama would never let anything happen to that!   And he's just trying to get more money out of Congress with the excuse it will go to earthquake repairs.   Yeah, sure, we all know it's going to welfare mothers in Chicago.

Unfounded  paranoia is fun!  Maybe we could write for the Tea Party?

Top Ten Reasons to Join the Tea Party

Why would you want to become a member of the newest political trend?  Easy, it's trendy!   Here are some reasons to use when you friends ask you what the hell you were thinking.


Ten Reasons To Join the Tea Party

10. You can be angry at almost everybody.  Blacks, Mexicans, Jews, gays, and all the other people that aren't real Americans (just don't check the make-up of the armed forces).

9.  You might get to shoot something with Sarah Palin.

8.  You might get lucky with Bristol Palin.

7.  You'll have a reason to give back those Social Security checks the evil government keeps sending.

6.  You might get to meet beautiful/crazy Ann Coulters.

5.  If you're a black female you can be the only one in the party.  I mean, look what it did for Michael Steele.

4.  It's easier to show up in cutoff shorts and a tank top than having to put on those Klan robes.

3.  There are tons of cool Tea Party camo t-shirts available on e Bay.

2.  You might get to help build the fence across the Mexican border with Joe the Plumber.

1.  Party membership looks good on your resumé for that Walmart job.



One Reason to Join the Tequila Party

Teabonics

Teabonics = unique and creative usage of the English language in Tea Party protests.

This guy hates morans.
But he's fine with his moron brothers, of course.

See, the Founding Fathers were right-wingers
Even ol' Bene

Speaking English mandatory
Writing not so much apparently

Which prison?

No more boarders!  Let them stay elsewhere!

The latest theory by the Tea Partiers is that liberal infiltrators are purposely writing these signs to make them look stupid.   We have been caught red-handed.  Some of our members after perhaps one (or five) too many shots of tequila may just have written up a sign and joined the festivities.   Not because they are mean-spirited, but because they thought it was Mardi Gras.  We'll call their tequila-fueled use of the language Tequilabonics.

The Tequila Party is a big fan of the Tea Party

We love the Tea Party.   Well, actually it doesn't have to be a party.   We can drink tea with or without a big group of people and loud music.   But it's especially good in cold weather or when you just want to relax.

This is what the Tea Party is all about.  Right?

But there's always a shot of tequila, hot tea, and a slice of lemon in a mug -- a great way to relax from a tough day!   Now that's a Tea Party!

Sharron Angle -- Making the Tea Party look stupid!

Sharron "I don't let facts get in the way" Angle isn't doing the Tea Party any good by making up stuff (leave that to Fox News).  She lost to Harry Reid in the Nevada Senate race last fall.

"Obama has piled up more debt than all other presidents combined."
Check the numbers and you'll see Bush Jr outspent Obama.

"France gets 85% of its powers from nuclear plants."
Actually, it's about 74%.  The U.S. gets about 20% from nukes.  France is about the size of Texas.  France has more nuclear power because most power generation is state-controlled.  In the U.S. power supply is business-driven.  So you wanna be like France?


Some more quotes from Sharon that help her understand her reasoning:

People ask me, "What are you going to do to develop jobs in your state?" Well, that's not my job as a U.S. Senator.   (And somehow she last the election shortly after saying this)

You know, this is a war of ideology, a war of thoughts and of faith. And we need people to really stand for faith and trust, not hope and change.  (Sing along, "Onward Christian soldiers...")

We needed to have the press be our friend. We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.   (She didn't read the part about the free press)

We're talking about a militant terrorist situation, which I believe it isn't a widespread thing, but it is enough that we need to address, and we have been addressing it. My thoughts are these, first of all, Dearborn, Michigan, and Frankford, Texas are on American soil, and under constitutional law. Not Sharia law.  (Those towns have large Muslim populations and they are apparently about to take over)

And her most "famous" statement:

I hope that's not where we're going, but you know if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.


Just to keep things even we'll give you a tequila quote from Hugh Laurie, the actor from House, MD:

I have been instrumental in banning bottled water on the set. It hasn't gone that well with the crew... so I replaced it with tequila.

The Tequila Party Protest March!

See, The Tequila Party members can get angry too!  We're just not sure what to be angry about as all the good causes are taken.  So we've decided to protest protests.  What the hell.  After a couple shots of tequila it sounded like a good idea ...

We spent our unemployment checks on a good bottle

of reposado and a plane ticket to Washington for this

We absolutely hate adding to the landfill

It started raining so these protesters 

ducked inside for a quick lunch break

A message to all the groups who don't like us

Remember the Tea Party election promises?

The Tea Party promised to balance the budget, get America back to work, and put us on the "right" course.   Let's see how they're doing.  Okay, we hate to give away the answer right away, but they're doing about as well as all the other politicians.

The Budget
Not only isn't it balanced but it may wind up costing us more. How'd they do that? Well, we keep the subsidies for the rich (like Exxon) and don't raise the taxes on the rich (like the Exxon board of directors).  They have, however, tried to destroy Medicare.  Rich people can buy insurance with their tax rebates!

Back to Work
I'm still waiting for that trickle down effect ...

Moving us to the Right
They are attempting to cut reproductive health care for poor women, get rid of that Commie public radio, and while complaining about Obama's bailouts they don't seem to care that the Wall Street guys bring in big salaries and bonuses.

Okay, so that's what's wrong.  But what does The Tequila Party stand for?

The Budget
Guess who doesn't get paid until this is figured out?   Congress, the President, VP, Budget Director, and several others we'll think of later when the tequila wears off.

Back to Work
Guess who loses their jobs in six months if the unemployment isn't below seven percent?

Moving us to the Right
Why does Left or Right seem to mean less freedom?

With all this talk about politics we need a drink!   All we can say is ...

Illegal Aliens

Not the ones from Mars.  They can stay.

We all know who we're talking about.  They have brown skin (Martians have green--same color as the dollar).   The bad aliens are Arab terrorists, or worse, Mexicans who are picking our fruits and vegetables.

The Tea Party hates illegals for good reason as they are stealing the farm jobs from us. Those of us looking for work and would be happy to be a strawberry picker as long you don't actually have to bend over all day in the hot sun.  And I hope there's a strong union to get us plenty of holidays and workman's comp when many of us Gringos throw our backs out.

The Tequila Party takes great exception with this stereotypical view of Mexicans in America.   Where do you think tequila comes from?  (yes, I know, from a bottle).   Do we want to piss off Mexican and have them boycott tequila exports to America?   Do you really want to see us cry?

Illegals are easy enough to spot...
Doing work you'd never do.

Where would America be without taquerias and tequila bars?  You can't have Gringos running those--what a disaster.

You want to be careful how you write any "kick out the illegals" law.  What if the Indians turn around and use it on the rest of us?   No offense, but we ain't going back to Europe.  Our ancestors left because everyone knows the weather in Europe blows.

The 14th amendment has guaranteed our right to tequila and Mexican food!   (See we can bend reality as well as any Tea Party hack).

Happy Independence Day!

"One Nation" whatever your political beliefs

Tea Party Summer Camp

Yes, for your kids!  You know, they require a fair and balanced look at the world rather than just relying on their leftist, elitist teachers.   So there's the Tampa (FL) Liberty School where junior can learn about Glenn Beck's gold standard, God, and the fact that "Government cannot force me to be charitable" (that's a direct quote).

Hopefully, junior will come home able to field strip an AR15 in the dark.

I wonder how many black kids will be attending?

Which, of course, brings up a brilliant idea:  How about a Tequila Party summer camp?

This will be for teens wanting to attend one of America's best party schools like Univ of Florida, Chico State, or UC Boulder.  After all you don't want your precious little Annie to be sent off far away from home with no adult supervision without some advance knowledge of what's going to happen to her.

After you sign several waivers ans swear under oath you're not in law enforcement we'll be on our way teaching her the proper partying etiquette.  Rest assured there will be lots of refreshments, music and wet t-shirt contests.  Plus she'll come home with her own tattoo as a reminder of the experience.

and she gets her own camp t-shirt!

Chocolate and Tequila Tasting--This is Just Wrong

Okay, our first thought was, "Coffee and chocolate, port and chocolate, even Cabernet and chocolate."   But tequila?    And it gets worse.

In Santa Barbara, CA, the home of the leftists, a charity event was given to help eradicate harassment and prejudice among teens at the local high school.  It's called "The Chocolate and Tequila Tasting Party for the Academy of Healing Arts for Kids" (I told you they were leftists). Oh yeah, there was an inspiring story from someone who said as a teen he was, "Going down the wrong path...abusing drugs and alcohol."

Jose Cuervo-filled chocolates.  Ewwww.

So why not have a fundraiser based on tequila shots?   But skip the damn chocolate.  Please.

A slap in the face to tequila lovers everywhere

Bristol Palin, never one to shy away from attention (much like her mother), has revealed that she lost her virginity while drunk on wine coolers.   And she couldn't even remember the event she says.  Plus she says it was the first time she ever had alcohol.    Yeah, sure.

Well, at least she's not always
drinking and getting pregnant

Why she would go public with a story like this can only be attention whoring.   More disturbing though is the fact that her loss (why do they call it a loss?) happened on something as awful as wine coolers.   If she had been smart enough to get into college this "event" would happen with cheap tequila--a time-honored tradition.  I imagine Sauza and Cuevo have been responsible for this act more than any other drink.

Somehow you knew she wasn't any smarter than her mother.

The Tequila Party's Weiner Contest

The Tequila Party loves good politics and sex scandals.   If only we were French!

But with a guy named Weiner sending out pics of his, well, weener, how can we pass the opportunity?

So what is the Weiner Contest?   Well, it has to relate to underwear with a bulge--that'll be the thrust of the competition.

We need prizes.   How about women's junior sized t-shirts of "I tweet Wiener" for next year's back-to-school wear?   What, not creepy enough?

Whoa!

First, we have to throw in a couple one-liners just because:

• Anthony Weiner's porn name is, uh, Anthony Weiner.
• We hear Boehner is bigger than Weiner.

So, what's the contest?   It's a Weiner contest!   Use your imagination.